Over the last couple of weeks when I have had some free time, I have been doing a marathon of my absolute favorite TV show. (Don’t ask which one because I won’t tell you. It’s my SMB - Secret Married Behavior.) It truly is my favorite. It is everything that I am not and never will be, but deep down inside wish a part of me could be. I just finished the last few episodes today. It made me cry. It always does. It makes me wish I had what they have. Friendship. Deep true honest friendship that lasts forever. Don’t get me wrong. I have friends. But nothing like what they have. I’ve often wondered if it is something about me that has left me feeling like I am just a pit stop for the girlfriends in my life because they seem to come and go, but no one stays forever.

Growing up I had the best friend thing with a girl who lived a couple houses down the street from me. Despite our age difference, we were kindred spirits…bosum buddies. We did everything together. We were always at each others houses playing until the sun went down and as soon as it came back up again. We created little personal mailboxes that we kept outside our window that we would leave letters or gifts in. Always had sleepovers. We even accepted Christ together at VBS. One day she came over and said she was moving away. It broke my heart. Who would I have to tell my secrets to or who would listen to me and not make fun of my stupid quirks the way she did? We kept in touch by snail mail and would occasionally see each other, but it wasn’t the same. Her senior year in high school was a little difficult for her and so she came to live with us. It was like we were never apart. We were back to our old selves. Then it happened. A boy came into the picture. All of a sudden our friendship boat was rocked again. Then a second wave hit. She was moving out. My heart was broken again. This time it would really sting. Not only was she moving out but I was being replaced by a boy. I was happy for her, but it still hurt. Our lives were going in different directions and we were growing apart. We were never the same after that. It’s been almost a year since I have talked to her and before that, 5 years.

I have never again had a relationship like that with another girl. It seems as though friendships are more surface. We all live different and busy lives. Some single, some not. Some without kids and some with. Some live close, and others far away. I don’t mean for this to be a pity party because I so do cherish all the girlfriends in my life and wouldn’t trade them for anything. But there just has not been that one where the relationship runs so deep that nothing could tear us apart. I long for that. Maybe I have closed myself off to that because of the past. Who knows. I still keep plotting on though. Who knows who is just around the corner.