Oil and Lube
November 16, 2007 by Kaydee
~WARNING~
MALES PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK
My annual “oil and lube” is fast approaching and I’m starting to get night sweats. Remember me, I’m not fond of doctors.
It is such an unflattering experience. First, the nice nurse wants to weigh you. Having previously been a Weight Watcher member, I proceed to shed every article of clothing, short of standing there naked, in hopes of shaving off that last ounce that say my earings might add. You proceed down the long hall to that one dark room at the end specifically used for these types of occasions so everyone else doesn’t hear you scream. The temperature of the room always seems to be at a bone chilling 32ºF too.
The nurse proceeds to take your blood pressure and states, “Is your blood pressure always elevated?” You sweetly reply, “Only when I’m forced to come see you.” She then hands you that ridiculous paper gown and blanket and asks you to disrobe and have a seat on the table with that pesky thinner than thin tissue paper on it. You start to undress in record time because you’re afraid of the doctor coming in while you’re standing there in just your socks trying to figure out where the other half of the paper gown went, thinking to yourself, “Maybe this time the doctor will think it’s funny that the slit is in the back and not the front?”
You have a seat on the table and realize that even though it is a freezing 32ºF, you are still profusely sweating. The doctor comes in, tries to make small talk and all you can think is…“Maybe when she has her back turned I can escape without her knowing?” Next thing you know you’re laying there with your knees up, nervously chattering, the doctor’s rolling her eyes and kindly telling you, “Relax…okay, now relax…you can just relax.” You sit up and sternly reply, “This is about as relaxed as I am going to get lady!”
When it all over and you get up to get dresses, the thinner than thin tissue paper comes with you because remember, you have been profusely sweating the whole time. Then you walk out to the reception desk to make your next appointment thanking God that you only have to do this once a year and praying that there isn’t an overlooked piece of tissue paper hanging out of your pants.
Aw, the joys of being a woman. 
Hey Kaydee, Okay I am trying to post for the first time. Your “oil and lube” story inspired me to comment. Have you heard the Chonda Pierce bit on going to get her “oil and lube”. It is hilarious. Something about the cup holders being in a wierd place!
Hi Kaydee,
You are too funny. Loved your blog today. I know what you mean. Right On!!
Love,
Mom
Oh my gosh Kaydee that was so funny. I miss talking to you about stuff like this, but lucky me I can read all about it. If you get a chance you can stop by my new work place and visit me. I would like that.
Great post…it made me giggle.
Just to let ya in on a little secret…It’s not any more fun on the other side. I work at a Dr’s office, the nervous people like you are ok. It’s the ones that really do start to disrobe at the weight in station that freak us out.
We even had a lady that had a crush on one of the Dr.’s and told us that she preferred to disrobe for the Dr. That was awkward.